day thirteen

I just love Whole30. I really really do. It's been hard sharing thoughts with friends and family. Some aren't exactly excited about it, though of course they are supportive. But their feelings aren't wrong. They are so right. I am obsessive. They are worried about what this will mean when I'm done. If I will be obsessed with rigid programs every few months, and then fall into "normal" eating again. The thing that's hard to explain is that I want how I'm eating now to be my "normal" and for the way I was eating before to be "abnormal".

 

And it's so hard to defend that, because I totally get where they are coming from. But here's the part that I can't explain that's in my heart. Of course I get joy from eating food I used to eat, I would get a lot of joy from a burger, a McFlurry and Fruity Pebbles. But this is what I've learned. That is so temporary. The joy I get from my spending a few minutes gathering simple ingredients, putting it in a magical machine with sharp blades, and watching clean, home-made mayo appear magically gives me more joy and more meaningful joy. People wonder why such a rigid guideline is needed for this, and I totally get that too. But some people are all or nothing, and I really think I'm one of those people. Based on a few years of experimenting...I just think I need to be a clean person in general. Not just someone who eats clean during the week, and can splurge on the weekends. I don't consider myself to have an addictive personality, since I'm really afraid of addiction. But maybe that means I do have issues with addiction. Maybe I'm even addicted to this program right now. But here's the thing. I would rather be addicted to learning to cook, and reading labels, and researching alternative recipes - then addicted to temporary craving fixes that give me no adrenaline, mentally or physically.

 

I'm not sure any of that even makes sense, but sometimes that's for the best.

 

Despite my confused feelings, I am really happy right now, and feel like I'm doing something that is right for me. I want to continue to be sensitive and aware of people around me that aren't into eating the same way I am. And I want to learn to control how much I talk about this lifestyle change a little more, maybe I should get more involved in the online community so I have an outlet.

 

Anywho, last night I sauteed some TJs veggies in Ghee. Holy shit. Game changer. It was so delicious. Especially after having the veggies raw the night before, this was so much better. Also, ghee is amazing.

 

I paired the veggies with some of my left over sweet potato casserole (again). The bummer about cooking for one is that it's hard to make new meals. I love leftovers, but it doesn't allow for many pretty photos. At least my kitchen is cute so I can have my tile floor in the background...priorities folks.

 

Also, I didn't workout this morning, due to date night last night. It's totally worth it because it means a lot to John (even though I still fall asleep really early :( ). But holy cow does it change my day. I miss it so much when I don't have it to start my day. I feel so lucky! To have found an outlet that I love, and motivates me to come every day. What a blessing.