day nineteen.

Uh oh. Negativity is starting to creep in on this excited little foodie heart. I just calculated how much money I have spent at grocery stores since starting, and it's frightening. I have spent over $100 a week. OH NO. And yeah I can calculate in spices and oils and things that will last me longer, but I also didn't calculate in the Well Fed cookbooks I bought, or the zoodle maker. It's so difficult cooking for just one person in this way, and I think it makes it more expensive. Also, homemade mayo is too big of a batch, I can't seem to go through it in time. I have to find a reason to use it...

I also had this thought this morning during my commute, apologies for the morbidity.
If I got in a car crash right now, would I say, I should have eaten more donuts...
Yes, yes I definitely would.
But then I reminded myself of all the good stuff that's happening with my body and it made me feel better.

But these things have made it a tougher day then most. But here's the important part, it's still not that tough! I happily ate my meatballs, sauteed peppers, avocado and raspberries for lunch! And yeah everyones fish tacos from the caf looked wonderful, but I was totally OK. And I feel even better now. And last night, oh boy last night. I had some more of that freaking sweet potato casserole THAT WILL NOT DIE (It's not awful tasting by any means, but I want my meals to be cute and new and photographically inclined like my fave Whole30 instagrams. the struggle is real you guys) and a grapefruit. Then I went to J's and he made a pizza, and I cringed with want. BUT it wasn't that hard! How crazy. My mind is in total control of my body right now and I still am in complete awe over how amazing that feels. I still can't describe it to other people. I still sound crazy. I think I sound like I have an unhealthy mindset to some people. And who knows what's right or wrong, but all I can think about right now is that for me nothing has felt more right.

We are OK, I'm OK, I can do this.

Party on!